As the title proclaims, there are some elements of the movie Heavy Metal 2000 in the game. Bold, creative graphics and intriguing visual interaction make the movies and comics hot items, so I was excited to see a little eye candy in the demo.

I personally prefer the open worlds in video game play. I like the outdoors, and if I'm going to be sitting inside playing games, then let me play in an outdoor world. So when the game started and I was above-ground looking at two pink moons in the distance, I thought I was in for a nice ride. Roughly 1/3 of the demo took place in the "city." The rest was in the swamps of "Eden." Ugh.

I'm half surprised that my monitor is still able to register the colors brown and dark green, since there were roughly 62 billion scenes involving these two colors in Eden.

Here's the plot: you are "Julie," a scorned woman who has fought and conquered evil in the past Now you've got a nice little city with happy little tenants and everybody is pretty pleased with the size of your bust, and your exposed navel. With all of the competition in gaming these days, it comes as no surprise that Ritual modeled "Julie" after 1993 Penthouse Pet Julie Strain, a 6'1" model who has been in a bunch of crappy movies, including such riveting titles as The Guns of El Chupacabra, Psycho Cop, and now a video game.

Your mission (in the demo) is a little vague. Your sister complains of a lack of food for her and the baby, yet she disappears after you finish your training. After the training, you head into the underground with a couple guys to "reactivate the shields" on your planet. Apparently, your place is being bombarded with asteroids or something - I never saw them. After your shield-activating party gets smoked, you then head "deep into the Mooagly Swamps" to find some guru who can apparently help. In the swamps, you do battle with assorted creatures, birds, mosquitoes, and spitting plants. It should be noted here that fighting a dozen mosquitoes the size of pelicans with a sword gets old extremely quick. The first time I was attacked by these things, I let out a long, open-mouthed sigh, hit pause, and then got up for a refill on the G&T I was nursing.

The controls are similar to other 3rd-person action games, with the whole "auto-aim" feature and the miscellaneous "jump puzzles" that I have to work my way through *yawn*. I get past some rather mundane challenges, but the reward is nil, save for the - brace yourself - rocket launcher. Is it possible to play a game anymore without a rocket launcher? I give the screen a couple of smug eyebrow lifts in appreciation of the graphics, but it's highly unlikely that I would ever buy this game.

Here's my advice. Do the training, it's actually kind of fun, and it gives you an opportunity to learn about the controls and the environment. Go into the swamps and clean 'em out once. There are seemingly unlimited game saves available, so there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to finish the swamps. Then, go back to your Load Games Screen and re-load the "Starting Julie's House" level. This will be right after you finish training and you have been handed your sling and sword.

Now, we can play my version of the game, called Shgliek Chuck 2000. The Shglieks (pronounced: shleeks) are those cute little kangaroo-looking animals that you see walking around your city. They make funny little gestures now and again, and they seem to walk with an air of superiority about them. They also eat everything they see, and that's probably why your sister is bitching so much about food. They must be taught a lesson. All of them. They're very hard to catch... without a sling.

1. Just so you can get frustrated with these vile creatures, try to catch one. You need to hit your "Use" key to try and grab it. You'll find that it isn't easy, and damn near impossible. After you try to grab one, it will taunt you.

2. Arm yourself with the sling.

3. Pop the Shgliek with a single shot from the sling.

4. Pick up the now dazed Shgliek. It will start making all kinds of noises. It apparently doesn't enjoy being touched. Tough shit.

5. Find the highest point from which you can chuck the Shgliek. I chose the Strangely Inoperable, Yet Curiously Cool Crane That Some Designer Fiddled With For Days Before He Got Pissed Off And Decided That It Would Never Work, But Why Not Leave It In the Game Anyway, by the river.

6. Hold Shgliek over said high point. Scream at the Shgliek and tell it how happy you'll be when it's dead. Heave the Shgliek to its demise.

7. Go find the other 3 Shglieks and repeat.

8. Restart the level again and understand that this is the demo's high point.