Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2001 18:06:58 -0700 (PDT)
From: hamin hamin <hamin001@yahoo.com>
Subject: urgent business relationship
To: [removed due to spambots]

THE PRESIDENT/CEO.

SIR,

I WISH TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU. I AM ALHAJI HAMIN AL-MUSTAFA, ELDER BROTHER TO MAJOR HAMZA AL-MUSTAFA WHO WAS THE FORMER CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER TO THE MILITARY DICTATOR OF NIGERIA, GENERAL SANI ABACHA. THE LATE GENERAL SANI ABACHA DIED UNEXPECTEDLY ON THE 8TH OF JUNE 1998. HIS COLLEAGUES IN THE ARMY POISONED HIM IN THE PRESIDENTIAL VILLA (ASO ROCK) BECAUSE HE RULED NIGERIA WITH AN IRON HAND.

WITH THE DEATH OF THE DICTATOR, ELECTIONS WERE HELD IN THE COUNTRY AND A CIVILIAN ADMINISTRATION WAS SWORN INTO POWER. WITH THE ADVENT OF THE NEW CIVILIAN ADMINISTRATION, A DECISION WAS TAKEN BY THE PRESIDENT OF NIGERIA TO PROBE AND PROSECUTE ALL MILITARY OFFICERS THAT SERVED IN THE LAST MILITARY REGIME OF THE LATE GENERAL SANI ABACHA. MY BROTHER, MAJOR HAMZA EL MUSTAFA WAS SINGLED OUT BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE DAY AS AN ARMY OFFICER THAT MUST BE PUNISHED BECAUSE OF HIS CLOSENESS TO THE LATE DICTATOR AND GROSS HUMAN RIGHT ABUSES ON THE CITIZENS OF NIGERIA.

MY BROTHER AND I WERE BEST OF FRIENDS AND HE SHARED ALL HIS SECRETS WITH ME. THE FORMER CHIEF SECURED OFFICER TO THE LATE HEAD OF STATE MAJOR HAMZA AL MUSTAFA HAD PRIVATE ACCOUNTS THAT ARE WORTH 100 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS AROUND THE WORLD. PRESENTLY HE HAS BEEN ARRESTED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE DAY AND IS PRESENTLY HELD IN PRISON ON TRUMPED UP CHARGES ON BEHALF OF THE STATE. I WAS DIRECTLY INFORMED BY MY CONTACTS AT THE PRESIDENTIAL VILLA, THAT HE WILL BE CONVICTED BECAUSE OF HIS POSITION AS THE FORMER CHIEF SECURITY OFFICER TO THE LATE DICTATOR.

SHORTLY BEFORE THE PRESENT GOVERNMENT ARRESTED MY BROTHER, HE ENTRUSTED TO ME THE SUM OF US$24.5M FOR SAFEKEEPING. THIS AMOUNT WAS TO BE SENT TO HIS MISTRESS IN LEBANON TO LAUNDER FOR HIM. I HAVE SINCE HAD THIS AMOUNT WITH ME STASHED AWAY IN A PRIVATE SECURITY COMPANY IN NIGERIA. I CANNOT SEND THIS MONEY TO MY BROTHER'S MISTRESS ANY MORE BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION OF THINGS OVER HERE.

I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE IN MOVING AND SECURING THIS MONEY TO A NEUTRAL COUNTRY IN EUROPE OR AMERICA IN YOUR NAME FOR YOU TO TAKE DELIVERY OF THE CONSIGNMENT AND DEPOSIT IT FOR SAFE KEEPING TILL I COME OVER TO COLLECT MY SHARE OF THE MONEY. I WILL ADEQUATELY COMPENSATE YOU WITH 20% OF THE TOTAL SUM FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE AND CO-OPERATION WITH ME TO MOVE THIS FUND OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

THE PRESENT ADMINISTRATION COLLECTIVELY RETIRED NINETY-TWO SERVING OFFICERS A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO. THIS MONEY IS NOT SAFE WHERE IT IS KEPT ANY MORE BECAUSE THERE ARE INDICATIONS THAT ALL THE RETIRED OFFICERS MIGHT HAVE THEIR ESTATE CONFISCATED AS PART OF THE CURRENT SANITATION EXERCISE TO STOP CORRUPTION IN THE COUNTRY. ALREADY OUR VARIOUS PRIVATE BANK ACCOUNTS HAVE BEEN FROZEN PENDING THE OUTCOME OF THEIR INVESTIGATION AND WE ARE BEING CLOSELY MONITORED. I INTEND TO SAFEGUARD AND INVEST THIS AMOUNT OF MONEY ABROAD WITH A RELIABLE FOREIGN BUSINESS PARTNER SO THAT WE CAN INVEST THE FUNDS IN REAL ESTATE OR OTHER VIABLE BUSINESS IN YOUR COUNTRY. THAT IS WHY I AM SOLICITING YOUR ASSISTANCE AND COOPERATION AS REGARDS THIS BUSINESS.

ARRANGEMENTS HAVE BEEN CONCLUDED WITH A SECURITY COMPANY THAT HAS FOREIGN OFFICE IN EUROPE AND THE UNITED STATES TO RECEIVE THE MONEY IN CASH DEPENDING ON WHERE IS CONVENIENT FOR YOU.

PLEASE INDICATE YOUR WILLINGNESS TO ASSIST ME BY SENDING TO ME THE FOLLOWING AS THE BENEFICIARY INFORMATION; YOUR COMPANY'S NAME AND ADDRESS AND YOUR PRIVATE PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS SO THAT I CAN CONTACT YOU AND COMMENCE THE TRANSACTION IN EARNEST.
I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU VERY SOON.

BEST REGARDS,

ALHAJI HAMIN AL-MUSTAFA

________________________________________________
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My response:

From: "Greg A Bruns" <[removed due to spambots]>
To: "hamin hamin" <hamin001@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: urgent business relationship
Date: Sun, 19 Aug 2001 22:50:54 -0700
Dear Alhaji Hamin Al-Mustafa,

(Great name, by the way - the "Al-Mustafa" part carries a bad-ass tone to it - you know, like, "the last dude that messed with Al-Mustafa came home with his legs torn off by crazed hyenas - don't mess with the Al-Mustafa, man.")

First of all, allow me to be the first to thank you for taking the time to drop me a line from historically corrupt Nigeria. I find it fascinating that you're sitting on top of $24.5 million and you've got a friggin' Yahoo account for e-mail, but what the hell, I'll play along.

What's with all the shouting in your e-mail? Look, if you're going to try and bilk people out of money, you've got to settle down a little. Screaming at me is the least likely method that is going to get you my personal information, including bank account numbers and credit card info. But keep reading! I may feel generous to your plight toward the end of this e-mail (I'm sucking down beers as fast as I can while writing this - and this is to your advantage!).

While there are some historical events in your e-mail that are accurate, most of this crazy shit took place over two years ago. You mean to tell me that you've been sitting on this cash for that long and it has just now occurred to you to contact someone in America to assist you? And you actually put the word "urgent" in the subject line? Fascinating.

It also fascinates me to no end that Nigerian scam letters are still making their way around the Internet. I think I got the first one of these from the your "incarcerated brother" a couple years ago. This may come as a surprise to you, but this scam isn't exactly refreshing in nature. You could've picked any one of 3 dozen countries in Africa and possibly eluded my keen sense of fraud detection, but "Nigeria+Scam" gets over 6,500 hits on Google alone... I mean, where's your originality?

Perhaps you have some marketable skills you could exercise? I'm doubting that this whole swindling thing you're trying is going to pan out. Maybe you could get a job in code deciphering? I'm going to give you a code right now - it's my social security number: 542-56-9277. Now, match that secret code with the letters on that ol' black rotary phone/scam machine you have sitting at your desk there and tell me what that says. Uh huh - that's right.

Well, best of luck to you with the Big Score. Have you sent this thing to Bill Clinton yet? I know he's unemployed and all right now, but the boy has Ka$h. Now, I'm not promising anything, but if anyone is willing to buy this swill... it might just be the former leader of the free world.

Best regards,

Greg A. Bruns

PS - I know the you're geographically diverse from this country, and I know that Ethiopian jokes are old and all, but man - this one is a dooooozy! ----

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Hear about the Ethiopian who fell into the crocodile pit?

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Crazy bastard ate 3 of them before they dragged his ass out of there.

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HAW!