Since 2000 has come to a close, it's time to recognize some of the outstanding people who made this year all the more fun just by being themselves. Be sure to check your score at the bottom.

1. When I washed up on the shores of Florida at the tender age of 6, I whipped America into a frenzy, as everyone became concerned about me and my defection from Mother Cuba. With nothing else to report, the media hounded me and attempted to fill every single minute of every single day with blubbering news about me. A good portion of the American people felt that they knew best how to handle my life and my future, rather than leaving that entrusted to my own father. Thousands of homeless and hungry children in America, yet the entire country goes bananas for some poor little Cuban kid. I am…

A) Communist Leader Fidel Castro
B) Knee-slapping funny woman Betty White from the old TV show Golden Girls
C) Elian Gonzalez
D) Super-Hottie Jennifer Lopez

2. I once commented that "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." I was instrumental in the women's liberation movement in the 70's and I have always been a superb journalist and female activist. I attended Smith College and graduated magna cum laude, then peppered the rest of the planet with my opinions and beliefs. As the founder of Ms. magazine, I made quite an impression. However, I have also made a bit of an impression this past year, as I decided to marry entrepreneur David Bale and some people think that I'm being hypocritical. I am…

A) Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone
B) The first female Nobel Prize recipient, Marie Curie
C) Gloria Steinem
D) Sacagawea

3. After 29 years of leadership, I have been ousted from my mighty position as head coach for a notorious Indiana team. I've endured hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines, plus the possibility of prison time in Puerto Rico. I've choked people, threatened people, heaved chairs, and gotten into quite a few scuffles because I am extremely passionate about my job, which I no longer have. I am...

A) Stone Cold Steve Austin
B) R2D2 actor, Kenny Baker
C) Bobby Knight, oops, I mean, COACH Knight, or MISTER Knight.
D) 252 million dollar man, Alex Rodriguez, the highest paid athlete in the history of the planet

4. It would seem that I have absolutely no self-control. I recently spent a year in jail for my nasty drug habit. Apparently learning nothing, I've been busted again and this time I'm facing the possibility of 4 years in jail. I was once nominated for an Oscar and I recently signed on with the hit TV show "Ally McBeal" in hopes of jumpstarting my failing acting career. I am…

A) Latin singing sensation, Enrique Iglesias
B) Teen heartthrob and Backstreet Boy, Howie D.
C) Nose Candy Connoisseur, Robert Downey Jr.
D) Knee-slapping funny woman Beatrice Arthur from the old TV show Golden Girls

Okay, time to tally 'em up. You don't need me to tell you that "C" is the correct answer to all of the questions, I hope. "C" is always the answer, you know. How did you do?

0-1 correct answers: Congratulations! It's hard to believe that someone could not pay attention for an entire year, but if that is indeed what you did, then I offer my sincere kudos because it's got to be hard to do.

2-3 correct answers: Not bad. Part of your New Year's Resolutions might include picking up a subscription to People or Time strictly for informational purposes.

4 correct answers: You are the big winner. With a little work, you could start your own Variety spin-off. Make it a series family comedy show, like Growing Pains or Eight is Enough with a little CNN Hot News thrown in, only make it really funny. Put it on prime time and star Betty White or Bea Arthur for their comical input. You... are... on... your... way.