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Greg A. Bruns January 2004 ~ The 2003 "Who Am I?" Quiz |
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Welcome to the fifth annual "Who Am I" Quiz. 2003 was an easy year for this column. The savageness of man triumphed once again, and the media didn't miss a thing. I kept notes all year long, but the average pre-teen with net access can whip through this quiz in a flash. So, in order to make it more difficult this year, the answers could be something besides C. 1. Numerous pop stars, sports studs and Hollywood types, all of whom make more money than the rest of us, and could easily afford limo rides or town cars, opted to drive drunk in 2003, rather than throw a fifty to a driver. It seems baffling, but it proves that the poor aren't the sole practitioners of stupidity. Some of them were caught in the act, and the police didn't offer any celebrity clemency. Find the correct order in which these celebrities were caught driving drunk in 2003: A) Glen Campbell, Diana Ross, Wynonna Judd, Steve McNair 2. A wedding day brings about magical thoughts of love, happiness, family and friends; a day that will never be forgotten. I will indeed never forget my wedding day, as I spent the majority of it in jail. The restaurant hosting my reception closed the bar, contract fulfilled, after several hours of serving drinks (I had a few). I did what any thirsty person would do: I started screaming obscenities at everyone in the restaurant while heaving plates of food around. Tensions a bit high, I exited the restaurant and began a trek down the street, where cops arrested me for Breach of Peace and Criminal Mischief. At the police station, I spat on my wedding ring and asked officers how much time I'd serve for killing a marine (my new husband). I am Bridezilla, Adrienne Samen, and I was married in the state of… A) Connecticut 3. I was made fun of in this very column, a few years back. This year, I pulled the same publicity stunt that another 135 people did when I ran for governor of California. Maybe I was trying to kick-start my acting career that flatlined in the 80's, who knows? I lost the election, but you'd be hard pressed to show how I lost any dignity, because you'd need to prove I had some first. There's only so many short-people movies a man can do before he has to go out and get a freakin' job. I am… A) Larry Flynt 4. The music world loses great legends every year, but 2003 hit hard, when I passed on at age 71. I recorded over 1500 songs in my career, sold over 50 million records, and my songs appear on more than 500 albums. I was the youngest person ever chosen for the Country Music Hall of Fame, and I am one of two people in there and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I am… A) Johnny Cash 5. Another tragic loss in 2003, I was a more obscure musician. I was diagnosed with inoperable cancer, and on the Letterman show, was asked how I was dealing with the serious news. I will "enjoy every sandwich" was my reply. My sense of humor is seen in my music and my relationships with authors Hunter S. Thompson and Carl Hiaasen helped me find my niche. I once wrote a tune titled "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead" and now it looks like I'm finally getting my sleep. Send lawyers, guns and money, because it's a shame I'm dead at 56. A) George Michael 6. I set back the media about 50 years by fabricating stories for what has long been considered the most credible newspaper of all time. The amount of effort I put into weaving false stories is more than it would take to write true ones, but what's the fun in that? I was fired, and everyone started jamming fingers in my chest, blaming most of the world's social problems on me. Then I got a book deal out of the whole thing. I am… A) Jayson Williams This year's answers are: 1)D; 2)A; 3)D; 4)A; 5)D; 6)A. How'd
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