This month's article comes to you straight out of the darkness of my home. A laptop with strong batteries is required for this kind of delivery, and while I'd prefer to write in the delicate lamplight, this quandary is nothing of my choice. A tree has made this method mandatory. One 30-foot ash, sucked from its moorings by an intense microburst, is now testing the limits of my home's power line, and I'm not too comfortable dealing with anything that is plugged in right now.

This column has never served as a commercial tool, and I've never used it to plug a product. But I'm going to tell you right now that if you don't have a Versaladder in your list of assets, then you should butterfly this paper straight into the air, and go buy one immediately.

The first storm came on Friday night, after my lawn received the usual bi-weekly irrigation, which is typical of the Arcadia area. On Saturday morning, I noticed that the tree, which had always provided a nice wide berth of shade, was starting to lean. In fact, it was leaning like Dean Martin on a Saturday night bender at the Sands, and rested itself against the aluminum awning that shades my favorite back porch. The soft ground made this possible, and let this be a lesson: no big trees in the irrigated landscape.

I tried to get some tree specialists out to look at the thing and give me a professional assessment, or whatever it is that tree people do, but no one was available on Saturday. The only company I got a hold of couldn't make it until Monday, due to the overwhelming amount of calls they had to tend to. "It's leaning against my power line," I protested, "and on Monday, it may not matter. Might be able to chop 'er up myself and sell it off as damp firewood to pay my insurance deductible." The arborist was not swayed, and then informed me that a Monday visit might be a stretch too.

It was then that I realized it was my problem and no one else's. I remembered that I recently purchased a ladder from the local home supply joint, and in my never-ending quest for the best, I bought the Versaladder. If you haven't seen this contraption, think of a foldable ladder, made mostly of steel and aluminum, workable into several different manipulations. For those of the younger generation: it's like a "Transformer" (more than meets the eye).

The Versaladder claims, right on the side of the thing in plain print, that it has nothing to offer beyond a working load of 300 pounds. However, the brochure I procured at the home joint showed two Versaladders set up scaffolding style, with some wood on top, holding up a shiny Cadillac STS. See, this ladder has all sorts of powerful joints and hinges in it, and it can be configured to do just about anything. As I mentioned, I'm not here to sell Versaladders, but any piece of equipment that keeps my home from being squashed like a mud hut hit by a Daisy Cutter is okay by me, and is worth mentioning.

I put the ladder in an upside down "V", and jammed it into the tree as best I could to try and prevent the thing from falling any more. I figured it was good for a quick fix. When I arrived home on Sunday night, after another nasty storm, I saw that the tree had punished the awning, and left it broken and battered; completely unusable for any future outdoor activities. But the ladder had held, and was, at this point, still supporting the tree, and saving the power line, along with parts of my home. The ladder was tense and bent, like Janis Joplin in her final years.

My friend Pete was with me when I got home on Sunday night, and being the destructive savage that he is, he wanted to kick the ladder to see what would happen. We snapped a few digital photos, and listened to the ladder creak a couple times. Then I shooed Pete out, hoping that the Tree Cavalry would come soon.

The Versaladder is top-notch, but one can only expect so much Überness. Pictures of this event are here.

NOTE (7/19/04): Since this article's publication, the Versaladder web site has disappeared, and the ladder is not for sale anymore in my local Home Depot. Bad news for you if you didn't get out there and snag one beforehand, but even worse news if you did and you're looking to get it repaired or something.