by Greg A. Bruns
December 2003 ~ Time Rich

 

When I was a kid, we had a family dog that would eat his own poop. My brother and I would watch from the kitchen window, frozen with open mouths, as the dog chowed down, oblivious to the horror he was creating. Mom always said it was because we didn’t play with him enough. I would respond, without taking my eyes off the scene in the yard, “I’m not playing with any dog that eats his own poop. He’s got too much time on his hands.” Later, I realized I was right. He did have too much time on his hands. A dog day is a ludicrous 168 hours, if you follow the seven-dog-year rule. This is the time of year where I start suffering from a lack of time. The holidays and the accompanying parties put hardcore demands on my schedule and I end up a charity case; one of the time poor folks.

My buddy Pete seems like he has dog days himself. Sometimes my cell phone rings mid-afternoon on a weekday and Pete will ask, “Hey – what’s going on?” It’s not so much a “how’s your day going?” type of call. The question morphs into: “Are you busy or can we hit the Dilly Dally and park ourselves at the bar for a while?” It’s always very tempting. Shirking work and wasting away the afternoon at the Dally is so… American.

Along with the encouraging phone calls, there are the scholarly e-mails. One recent message had a link to a 500-page article about foreign policy, accompanied with Pete’s ten paragraph, in-depth analysis, suggesting that he actually read the monstrosity. When questioned, he told me that he had a software program read the article for him. Imagine a monotone, computerized voice, reciting 500 pages of text about foreign policy. I would absolutely freak, and would no doubt wake up in an institution, but Pete likes to be informed.

His latest e-mail linked to a 75-minute video of a philosopher digging into A Brief Introduction into the Philosophy of Objectivism. I watched part of the video late one night, for the same reason you read those inane prayers and jokes your mother sends, but I have to ask: It’s a brief introduction into philosophy? Yeah, right. Brief and philosophy don’t belong in the same sentence together. And Ayn Rand? I’m sorry; it took me a year to read Atlas Shrugged. I love her writing and theories, but who has time for 75-minute lectures from cagey smarties who quit their day jobs to carry on Rand’s philosophy? Some people send jokes, Pete sends homework.

Maybe Pete and that old pooch of ours had it right, though. Maybe it’s all about taking some time off – every single day, if need be. Maybe that’s the big secret to staying healthy and sane. Pete’s got a good handle on life, and is quite successful. I’d love to leave my business in the early afternoon, coax a friend out for a martini, or catch a matinee. It doesn’t always work that way when you’re self-employed. The reality is, I am flat broke when it comes to time, and time rich people like Pete are no different than the rich with money. The poor will always be envious of the time wealthy, but it all depends on what you do with that time, because no one envies a poop eater.

 
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