PHOENIX -- The Phoenix Suns got their man on Thursday, but had to pay dearly for him. Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway signed a seven-year deal with the Suns worth "an infinite amount of cash," Suns president/owner Colangelo reported at a press conference. "Whenever Penny wants money," Colangelo explained, "all he has to do is call."

Hardaway has already exercised this new-found payment method with a request of 650 trillion dollars "to relocate and get settled." Upon receiving this demand for payment, Colangelo cleared his throat and pulled out his checkbook.

That check alone places Penny Hardaway to the #1 spot on "The Top 10 Wealthiest People in the Universe" list, above the Sultan of Brunei and software mogul Bill Gates. This raise in pay brings about some global economic considerations, since Penny Hardaway's salary exceeds the Gross National Product of planet earth.

Some questioned whether Colangelo paid too much. "Ridiculous," snorted Colangelo, "This guy did a 360 Tomahawk Jam back in 1996 that - by itself - was worth twice what we're paying him."

One quick reporter noted, "nothing beats infinity, Jerry."

"Oh yeah," Colangelo replied sheepishly. "Well, whatever, all I know is, he deserves all the money in the world for what he does."

The NBA-imposed salary cap doesn't appear to have been exceeded in this case, either. "How do you measure infinity?" Colangelo mocked in a high-pitched voice. "You can't, so we didn't exceed a damn thing."

There's no word yet on an increase in ticket prices for Phoenix basketball games, but Ticketmaster spokesperson Andy Rogers estimates that single-game tickets might be a "little pricey" for most fans. How pricey? Well, to break even on the first check they've given Hardaway, the Suns would have to sell each seat for each game for 965 million dollars. It's rumored that Pay-per-view games will cost more than a Stealth Bomber.

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