Citizens and members of law enforcement across America started taking matters into their own hands early Friday when Touchstone Pictures released a new movie titled Coyote Ugly. The latest work in a 13-year series of pathetic crap (which includes inane movies like The Rock, Dangerous Minds, and Con Air) from Hollywood ass Jerry Bruckheimer, Coyote Ugly is "a shitty movie about some stupid bitch that goes to the big city and gets all fucked up working at some goddamn stupid bar," according to one angry moviegoer.

Joshua Driggs and his friend Dookie went to see Coyote Ugly at midnight on Thursday. Shortly after Driggs and Dookie left the AMC theater in Los Angeles with other patrons, a small riot erupted in the parking lot. Driggs explains that "people were just furious. They were throwing shit everywhere and burning stuff. Dookie started dancing around the fire and screaming about getting his 94 minutes back."

Dookie wants his money back, and the 94 minutes
that Coyote Ugly stole from his life.

When police showed up, rioters fire-bombed their squad cars with malotov cocktails fashioned from empty bottles of Mango Mad Dog and gasoline.

Officers were unable to quell the riot, and once hearing about the motivation behind it, some officers began lobbing tear gas into the theater as if to say, "We're with you on this one." Sgt. Leary was the on-scene supervisor who approved the gassing. "Well, come on," Leary explains, "it's not like they're showing Masterpiece Theatre in there. This is worse than that goddamn Bad Girls movie in 1994, which sparked similar public outcry. We're just trying to do what's best for the people."

It remains to be seen whether or not Coyote Ugly will make enough money to even pay for the damages it has caused. One thing is for certain, Dookie and the other patrons will not be getting back their 94 minutes.

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