THE HEADLINES

Grave Digger is Anything But
"Buncha People" Dead in Train Wreck
Hardaway Signs Contract Worth "Infinity"
Clinton Unveils "No No" List
Turkey Gets Smoked
Fly Fireball Airlines
Congress Approves New US Flag
Cardinals Offer Arms to Teammate
Wilt Chamberlain Dead. Bill Walton Grieves
Huey Lewis Blows Royalty Check
$69.5 Million Bid on Shitty Domain Names
Interview With Karl Malone
NBC's Lakers go to The Finals
Coyote Ugly Movie Turns Ugly
NBA Pot Smoker Seeks Billions
Yankees Release Offical List of Assholes